Any health issue can be jarring…but I’ve come to realize it’s so much scarier when you have children. I decided recently to open up on my Facebook page a little about the face that I have been going through some health concerns lately; I went back and forth on whether I wanted to share this publicly but decided someone out there might benefit from hearing someone else talk about it.
To be honest, I’m unsure where to start. I guess it all began a few months ago when I started having some random symptoms that just didn’t seem to correlate; I was getting random dizzy spells and just felt off. My doctor chalked it up to not a whole lot and sent me on my way…which was fine because it DID seem to start to dissipate. About a month later, I realized I was starting to not feel well again but I just figured it was a version of the cold that was working its way through our household. Then one day, I was sitting on the couch and went to scratch a random itch on my throat and noticed I had a good-sized lump near my thyroid. Sadly, this was at the end of a work day on Friday and my doctor’s office couldn’t see me till that next Monday. It was during that weekend that I really noticed a few other things, like how much weight I had gained and that maybe some of my other symptoms weren’t “cold” related at all. When I went into my doctor’s appointment that Monday, she told me it was a decent size and she wanted to get it looked at with an ultrasound.
So, the wait continued as I scheduled that appointment for that Friday.
At the same time, that Tuesday I had an appointment to get genetic testing done. Multiple members of my female family members are positive for the BRCA gene. For those of you that don’t know, the BRCA gene test is a blood test that uses DNA analysis to identify harmful mutations in either one of the two breast cancer susceptibility genes. Women who have inherited these genes are at a higher risk of developing breast or ovarian cancer. If for any reason I am positive, this mean that when I am finished having kids, I will have a double mastectomy and my ovaries removed. Which would also mean that my lift I’ve waited so long for that is scheduled at the end of August would also need to be cancelled. BOOOOOO!!! I guess the plus side is my breast surgery would then be free and having my ovaries out would mean no more endometriosis cramping (always look for the silver lining??).
So, after that test, came my ultrasound. Seeing this on the cyst on the screen really hit home for me. The site of it, I’m not going to lie, scared the crap out of me. My left thyroid compared to my right looked so different. After my ultrasound, the tech came back in the room and told me I should expect more tests and probably a biopsy?! That is not something you want to hear. I then had to wait through the weekend, AGAIN, to have my doctor follow up. When I went in, she told me anything over 1.5cm they recommend doing a biopsy…mine was a little over 3cm. It was half fluid filled and half solid. So, she sent off a referral for the biopsy. It took them, no joke, almost 2 weeks to call me to get this scheduled! I can’t believe how long these things take. So off I went to get poked and prodded with a bunch of needles.
Side note is that I watch these kinds of biopsies ALL THE TIME at the vet clinic I work at and they seem like no big deal…WRONG! The numbing medicine burned like crazy and the last 2 of the 6 needles that they poked me with went into the muscle and I still felt it. Definitely not a fun day. Luckily, my results for this came back much sooner than they thought they would, it took about 5 days (and that includes the weekend). However, in the time that past in-between, my symptoms went downhill increasingly fast. I was incredibly nauseated ALL THE TIME, very dizzy/loopy/spacey to the point that I had trouble walking around (driving was out of the question) and continued weight gain. Thankfully, they called back with the results and the biopsy came back benign. Now, you would think this would be good news, but it meant that they would take it out if I insisted but would prefer to watch it and get it retested in a year. My husband and I don’t agree with this and would really prefer to just get it taken out and not need to worry about it any longer. This also meant that they no longer thought any of my symptoms could be related to the cyst. Now, everyone I talk to says that someone they know or they themselves have thyroid issues and these are their symptoms. The problem is, all my thyroid bloodwork panels have come back normal.
So back to the doctor I went. She now has MULTIPLE ideas of why I could be having these problems. Pregnancy (which was negative), different virus infections, an inner issue problem called BPPV and the list goes on. They took more blood and more labs. And here I am, over a month later from when this began, and I still don’t have an answer. I still have the symptoms; some days are much worse than others. I am still gaining weight and can’t bring myself to work out due to my symptoms, and for the days that I am over the top nauseated, I can only eat what sounds good (and lets me real, that’s hardly ever anything healthy).
So here I am; gaining weight and feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, feeling sicker than I did when I had morning sickness, can’t really drive, having trouble keeping up with my freshly walking kiddo and feeling like a bad mama and wife because I can barely keep up with everything. I have trouble doing things around the house, I can’t really run errands, Parker isn’t making it to her weekly activities and I got behind at work (and my blog, obviously ha).
I HATE ALL THIS NEGATIVITY!!!! I try SOOO hard, all day, to be positive. To try to do my best and do everything I can (within reason). It’s the nights that are more difficult. That’s my time when Parker isn’t around to see mommy cry. This is when all those negative thoughts creep in and my husband is trying to tell me to fight and that it’s all going to get better. When I just hate my body and despise that I feel like I’m letting everyone down, my amazing husband has to be the one to pick me up (along with picking up all the extra slack).
I’m so thankful to have such a great hubby who can keep me fighting and try to keep me positive. Who can pick up the slack around the house and help to take care of Parker when I just have to take a break. Who can work his job and still find the energy to be there for us 24/7.
I may not have cancer, but that doesn’t make this health concern any less real for me. All I want is some answers. I want to know that they have a plan to make me better; I want to get back to my normal self. I miss being able to do everything with Parker…heck, I even miss being able to clean!
So, for those of you out there going through anything, whether it be serious, undetermined or just a scare…you are not alone. I know how hard it is to go through things like this. I’ve been the one on the other side when family members have gone through health issues and now I’ve been on the side of being the one with the concern. It can be scary when you don’t have kids and terrifying when you do. All I have to say is don’t give up and surround yourself with a support system. Be sure that you have people around you that can help you stay positive and can help you pick up the slack when you just can’t anymore. Keep fighting!